I can't ever be your sunshine...

I remember grinding my hand away,
pulling blood through the skin.
Sharp, cold air and autumn clouds
came roaring in their stasis;
my eyes were not on them,
but on the sanguine sacrifice.
'Beloved' is a curse on me,
tied in fetters to my name.
For someone as empty as I,
the word itself is frozen water.
As silence thrummed and pulsed,
I tore until crimson was my pillow,
until my bed was rose-red loss.
I tore until my voice was nothing
more than a rotten wooden cross.
And still, my memory brings me low,
slices through like jagged shards
into my flesh and bone.
And still, I try to bring it back,
as if I have control.

Years and years of a wordless slide;
one day swollen with rain and ice.
The sadness that creeps into me
is the same as when I found her there.
It stabs with the same ferocity,
bleeds as though it never stopped,
and fills me with a shaking hand.
And now, I have nothing else
but emptiness: Luridity.

I have died a hundred times
from living in this skin.
I have cut a thousand ropes
that pulled me near to him.
What I have left is waving glass,
a mirror carved of worthlessness.
What I have left is the lack of reach,
the lack of what I have.

I am delicate, but razor-sharp;
penultimate, but with no end.
And here, I feel the winter coming
to freeze my soul in ice.
Here, I see my own decay:
The endless, faithless night.

No one will ever know what I have seen,
nor what it's done to me.

I am trapped in the idea of untruth,
like the mist that pulls on morning dew
until my bones are stagnant and painfully dry.
The dogma, authority and structure of life,
or rather, of civilization; the knife
cutting selfishly to separate
the stars from gods, water from mind,
our being from dreams.
It rests solely in lies.

The water's deep here
The less of me I show to you,
the more I get to get me through

The stain of my eyes,
burnt deep within
Who will fall?
I asked not to know

I'm sealed away
You can't touch me, now
Wheel and fire
return to me

I have three sins
thrown down on me
Fate frees my heart
Whatever comes through me I will be

Digging a hole
so I can rest
No tears for me
No river to take me home
The stones in my way
reach to the core
of a rising sun falling
through the wind to the soil

As my body leaves me,
I cling to a tree in a dream
I'm screaming to you
Whatever comes through me I will be

--

Did you see your people?
They all turned out for you
We were all together,
not so long ago

In the shadows, we can see you
In the wind, we hear your laugh
When the light reclaimed you,
we were left clawing at the sky

In the ocean, we can find you
For the Sun, we praise your name
In the dirt, we pray for God to bring you back again

I can see you
I can see you

In the void, the stones are turning and turning and turning

I can see you
I can see you

Holy burning hand of wrath,
piercing forever through the heart

and this flaming orbit of shame
ravages and splits the path

Grinding, binding
Taken away
Needles above the prey
Wreath of barbs
Grinding, binding
Taken away
Needles above the prey
A wreath of barbs

The injection of religion
has a coma-like effect
And bodies lay in decay,
dreaming of a greener day

Grinding, binding
Taken away
Needles above the prey
wreath of barbs
Grinding, binding
Taken away
Grinding, binding
Taken away
Away

Open eyes reading nothing
A sky harsh blue grins black

And I bleed and bleed in this wreath of barbs
And I run and run, but I don't get far