Saturday, September 19, 2009

I don't sway with a woman's hips,
or a crumbling tower's breeze.
The snake's mouth whispers many things,
but nothing I believe.
To see that we are riding waves
on a poisoned trajectory,
not knowing where it ends
or when we will have time to grieve;
as if grieving is some strong belief....

Friday, September 11, 2009

There goes my head...

What am I doing?

I went on a bender, I lost myself, I lost every sense of bearing and direction.

I have no idea where either of my phone chargers are, and both have been dead for at least a week now. I have no money, My bank account is hundreds of dollars in the red, my bills are unpaid and piling, and I have no idea where anything is. I have no idea where reality is.

My palpitations are worse, so much so that it worries me every time I lay down to sleep. I don't have any real sense of consciousness; I feel like I'm hurdling down a wire at lightspeed, using every ounce of Self just to hold on. And I'm awake at five in the morning, unsure as to whether I should even sleep or not before work.

The last time I felt like this, I was hiding, trying not to think about how recently Death had visited me.

And now, I'm here again, but this time with an emptiness instead of a burgeoning sadness. Pure emptiness.

I'm sorry that I don't deserve you, and I'm sorry that it had to be shown in this way. I'm sorry that I'm too erratic and unstable and introverted to let it end any other way. I'm sorry.

I am the wanderer
bound to burning effigies,
pupils wide in anger,
straining from a winter.
Stretched thin for elegies,
strings smoldering, a lesion.
A lesson for belief;
my skin is leathered myth:
the shining proxy crumbling;
statues of weltered sin.

I can't reach the width
required to douse myself.
Silent fires are burning;
raging storms unyielding.
And I am silent,
for I am a silence.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

October all over...

Meet me in October
Now it's nearly over
Maybe in November
if we can remember

When it rains, it feels like shame
Remind yourself after work
to find a new city to blame
Lock yourself in the house

Sometimes, you'll laugh
so hard, you'll cry

Only in October
Now it's nearly over
Maybe in November
if we can remember

Broken teeth for months, it seems
Like you like Hell
Weekend comes and now you feel
like your afterlife
Sometimes, you'll laugh
so hard, you'll cry...

Saturday, September 5, 2009

There's really not a lot that I care about now
There's really not a lot that I care about now
Somehow, I almost feel like I am here tonight

There's really not a lot that I care about now
There's really not a lot that I care about now
Somehow, I almost feel like I am here tonight

Too many times when I'm standing here
I can't look back a day to know what it was
All these fucks talk in circles
I won't stand for this shit
and now I don't even know who you are
Who you are
I don't know
I don't know
I don't know
I don't know
I don't know
I don't know
I don't know
I don't know

I don't know
I don't know
I don't know
I don't know
I don't know
I don't know

There's really not a lot that I care about now
There's really not a lot that I care about now
Somehow I almost feel like I am here tonight...