Friday, June 12, 2009

But my lungs go on...

This is what I needed, the final cutting loose of our bond. This is what I needed, for real. I needed to be away from you, to be done with this trip, for a painful reason.

I needed to be back in my world, even if only for a short while, because now that I am, I understand all of the confusion and hesitation that I've had. Nearly all of my relationships have involved a good few months, or a good few weeks, that was complete co-dependence, and then ended abruptly. But after the end, we would be shattered apart, whether I liked it or not, whether I wanted to or not. It would be nonexistent from there on. But this is different. Now that I am away, I only feel it more strongly, and I somehow know that she does too. I somehow hold that pure knowledge, of being completely faithful that something is true. I know that we are for real.

All of the times I've doubted it in those small ways that thoughts build up in the back, the small whispers that tell me that it will not last, or I will fall, or we will part, or she will see me for who I really am... these are all moot. We are both real, and we are both accepted on each side. And so, that persona is born: The person between two people, the anti-Gemini twin, the embodiment of symmetry in one formless shape.

True love.

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