In terms of my writing, I have reached a place where I only write when I somewhat force myself to. And, in that mode, I try too hard to exhaustively explain my points, I focus too much on the structure and grammatical prose of it all. What comes out later seems kind of contrived.
I've realized recently that I really need to just write and not think about the rest of it. The reason that I like my style of writing back when I was a teenager so much is because I did exactly that. I didn't think, I just expelled. And now, when I want to impose the things I've learned into the method of writing, I start to ruin it. It doesn't really matter if it's not perfect or if there are flaws. I just need to write. Period.
And beyond the method and structure, the substance also suffers. I end up spiraling into an Ouroboros of explaining explanations, defining definitions. And I lose my main point. I become aimless. This is also something I miss about my older writing: No matter how insane and scattered it ever got, there was always a point when it would all be wound together in a gestalt moment, exploding with my own vitriolic deconstructions.
It's pretty obvious in the post before this one. That is what made me realize that I need to reevaluate my own motivation (well, writing motivations, at least)...