Smogharp

“And in the spider’s belly: Bones of the butterfly.”

Flight breaks, the outer limits fade
And inner lights on thin ice slowing, undone
Beyond my eyes, like deadly infants with limbs
The frequency’s scream begins

I’d like to fall, but the infant’s mind so blind, so dimmed, forever
And mine was gone, smelling bleak, this dies
You ain’t god until hush
Say it mother, what if, hey, something’s not quite right here, may
Feed the anger, feel what made the midnight sunshine go away
Pain, pain, go away, see the game to see the day
And what was once a monster stays
and sees that nothing lasts forever…

Four days fit five days, six ways to Sunday
What if the world is shit?

One year splits two hairs, three-inching war dicks
Where is the love in it?

February

Sister’s gone,
a crown of red
You said I missed;
a mistake
In the dark,
I thought her you,
and shot

I hear your voice
calling me
from a calendar
anniversary

Wake up, empty head
Ringing bells
You said you heard her voice here
An eastern wind
on branches bare
No moon, no stars, no passing time

And all you ever wanted was my embrace
Rather you stay inside your hiding place

I hear your voice
calling me
from a calendar
anniversary
It’s February
You’re two years gone
and I am lost
I am lost
It’s February
I can feel your hand
and here I come
Here I come

You cannot hide yourself
I’m everywhere

Oh, how I long for the day when people stop talking to me like I’m a teenager and of below-average intelligence.

Sunlit and Ascending

Common places
Haunted past
With all the woods now gone,
I knew it wouldn’t last

All those faces
are question marks
Up and down the street
Looking down the block

Common places
Haunted rooms
Wandering inside
Contemplating doom
It marks our faces
when we don’t smile
Don’t get me out of bed
I want to lay here awhile

So come another day
Today, I just can’t
The faces are out there
This is your last chance

Serve the Servants

I tried hard to have a father,
but instead I had a dad.

(sic)

Being sick

Fucking sucks

Being sick around stupid people

Sucks more

Celestial

Collapse the veins
Crush the heart
Snap the tendons
Dissolve the bones
Flood the brain
Burn the skin
Pierce the lungs
Collapse the body

Stars now beneath our feet
We’ve known the terror
and still not stopped

Swarm down and forgive me
Rain down and forgive us

--

We became parts of a greater whole
The black hole sees a light

--

Hive been fed
Fill my soul
One way in
Fill my soul
Fill my soul

I been high
Still can’t see
Devastated
Come find

Pleasuring arm
Tempted to bleed
Hollowing
Dares my soul

I been high
Still can’t see
Devastated
Come find

Our inventions split their cocoons
And the whir of wings was deafening
Rain down and bring
A gentle time

If I could separate me from myself,
I’d stay away from me.

The definition of religion:
Segregation with a vision
Armageddon’s ammunition
Man, I call em like I see em

I see a cold, dark planet headed straight for the end,
like it was all just a figment of our imaginations

You try to hold me tight through that long, dark night
And you try to hold me down
But, now I’m ready to fight

I’m dead right
Never lie down for them
Never lie down for them
No, I’ll never lie down for them

“That bird’s right on the fucking beat”

You got a bad old habit

of making people sad

You got a bad old habit

of making people dead

You thought you were cool

I don’t really understand it

Did you think you were cool?

I don’t really understand it

 

So cool…

Slave to Evil

there was a time I thought mind would force the body – there was a time I thought mind would force the soul – but then I went evil – but then I went mad – but then I went evil – but then I went mad – but then I went evil – but then I went mad – but then I went evil – but then I went mad - evil is ruling over my existence – evil is ruling over my existence

there was a time I thought mind would force the body – there was a time I thought mind would force the soul – but then I went evil – but then I went mad – but then I went evil – but then I went mad – but then I went mad – but then I went mad – but then I went mad – but then I went mad

evil is ruling over my existence – evil is ruling over my existence – evil is ruling over my existence – evil is ruling over my existence – evil is ruling over my existence – over my existence – over my existence

there was a time I thought mind would force the body – there was a time I thought mind would force the soul – there was a time I thought mind would force the body – there was a time I thought mind would force the soul – there was a time I thought – there was a time I thought

Time & Space

It’s weird how I always seem to spontaneously start thinking of a song in my head, and then, when listening to it, realize that it has more to do with the way I feel than I thought.

There’s something to be said for waiting
Despite the knowledge it’ll never come
In the face of doubt
Learn to go without
and within

And there’s something to be said for action
To see the consequences get played out
In the end, you find
You’ve run out of time
and space in your heart

Okay
Alright
You’re okay
But it’s not fine

And now you’re coming ‘round the corner again
And you’re leaving everything behind
Out of sight, out of mind
You’ve run out of time
and space in your heart

Okay
Alright
You’re okay
But it’s not fine

Where did you go to?
Nothing left to hold on to
Can you just close up?
Can you just give up?

Lost Control

Life
has betrayed me once again
I accept some things will never change

I let your tiny minds
magnify my agony
It’s left me with a chemical dependency
for sanity

Yes, I am falling
How much longer ‘til I hit the ground?
I can’t tell you why I’m breaking down
Do you wonder why I prefer to be alone?
Have I really lost control?

I’m coming to an end
I’ve realized what I could’ve been
I can’t sleep, so I take a breath
and hide behind my bravest mask
I admit I’ve lost control

As Long As I Die Before You, I’ll Survive

The Beyond

A deep sore dragged through ages
The sores are my own, I know
Wounds collected through a lifetime
And wisdom I pick up along the way

I received the spit from a snake
And the snare cut real deep
I was caught in her womb
Something spreading in my veins

Those walls I faced alone
I crept on bounded knees
The own will just vanished
I wept my compassion away

I wept my compassion away
With tears that flooded your heart
No river leads back to mine
I bow down in soil and whisper
And gather strength to spread the disease

--

Somewhere along the railway
A body divided in two
Somewhere between the screams
Those visions were never seen

I understood the voice
An ancient sacrifice
Buried in a wreck
To rise up in a gaze

In marches the bitter man
Fire away again and again
Hang dry curtains are down
Sink down in dumping grounds

Sirens scream in your head
When the march lingers on
Hear the echoes of the ceremonial doom
Hear the echoes of the dying

The march lingers on
The march lingers on
The march lingers on
The march lingers on

--

Through times I thought of what we created
For greater causes that brought us down to this

In elderly forms and surroundings
In the flesh of spirits incarnated
They’re here for the hate forgotten
A rearview mirror to all lost souls
A slow burn shattered the field
Pain through body
Fire-drained vein

Walk down to the watchtower
And with the right kind of eyes
See waves roll in and over
Never could you see the watermark

The ground is shaking
From all the people below
One thing I’ve learned from this is
What you reap is what you sow

Man marches through the rust and dust
The burning fields will soon be ashes
Bodies woven in smoke and skin
And clouds descend to the sea
I see the bonds that tie belief
For this I choose to sink
I see the bonds that tie belief
For this I choose to sink

Walk down to the watchtower
And with the obscure shapes
See smoke roll in and over
Never will we see the lights

…And the dead shall rise

Ever thought that when you stare at the sun,
you’re blind but you can see?

Ever wondered why when you’re in love,
it brings you down to your knees?

Ever look deep inside yourself,
and didn’t like what you found?

Ever shouted out to Jesus Christ
when there’s no one else around?

One… Two… Three… Two…

and your lips were sealed

when you broke my heart

and these cuts don’t heal

as I fall apart

now you’re in love

with another man

and it tears me up

knowing what we had

 

 

 

and my fate was sealed

when you broke my heart

and these cuts weren’t healed

as I fell apart

 

 

 

don’t tell me you don’t feel it

don’t tell me you don’t feel it

don’t tell me you don’t feel it

don’t tell me you don’t feel it

don’t tell me you don’t feel it

don’t tell me you don’t feel it

don’t tell me you don’t feel it

don’t tell me you don’t feel it

Habilis

Something about being on the bottom of society makes people feel so inadequate that their default interactions with others is to look pissed off and always challenge everything in an ego-centric way.  Bitch about your job constantly, bitch about other people, bitch about how you are getting the short straw over and over again.  They desperately want people to think they don’t give a shit.  But I am the true face of someone who doesn’t give a shit, and it’s not glamorous at all.  It is the most misunderstood kind of person, and I never take the time to impose my ego on others or explain my views ad nausea.

But it feels good to move through with that kind of apathy, because it lets you get rid of all the ego that makes daily life such a chore.  If only my entire body wasn’t sore from the past two weeks….